i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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