Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
