Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
