All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
