i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
