If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
