I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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