i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
