What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
