So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
