theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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