so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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