Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
