No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
