Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
