I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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