normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Enjoy the penises
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
