I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
