Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
