oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
