he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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