will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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