Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
