just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Farmville is her only friend.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
