Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We had to coat check the pizza.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
