My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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