Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
