Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
