Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
