I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
