cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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