That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
