Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
