Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
