at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
