I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
