Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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