i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
