no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
