Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
