You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
