I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
