can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
