I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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