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So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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