the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
