Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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