It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
