OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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