hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
