Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
