it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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