i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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