it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
