That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
