literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize