her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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