This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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