he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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