thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
