I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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