in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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