she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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