I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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