Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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