Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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