So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
