but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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