I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
