The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize