I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
