Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
