I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
