she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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